Saturday, December 26, 2020

Feedback on the First Draft of the Screenplay

 Feedback on the First Draft of my Screenplay

Feedback on the First Draft received from Jane Marlow: 

"This is a detailed script that really sets the scene well. I feel like I get a really good sense of Dorothy and her life and the end is really heart-wrenching when you fear that she’s become a danger to herself.  In the next draft, maybe think about playing against the stereotype of a ‘old woman’ and giving the character an arc that feeds into her history as a police woman. Think also about the developing tone of the interior voice as she becomes more and more confused but keeps trying to get herself on track and persuade herself that she’s okay. Stage directions can hold the story up so find some opportunities to trim these back".

When writing the second draft, Jane suggested that I give the main character (Dorothy) more individuality and play against the stereotype of an old woman. By doing this, it will allow my character and story, to become more interesting and add a bit more depth to it. In addition to this, Jane recommended that I think about the inner dialogue of Dorothy herself. In doing so, I should think about how it sounds to the audience and reflect upon how we, as humans, often speak to ourselves (our inner dialogue). As a result of changing aspects of Dorothy's internal dialogue, it would allow for the screenplay to become more realistic. 

Jane next proposed that I cut down the stage directions and "chop the ones that aren't necessary". I learnt that too many stage directions can stall a story. Reflecting back upon my use of stage directions, I knew that I had made them too lengthy in order to fill out my story to make it ten pages. I also knew that I had used detailed stage directions so that it could be more easily implied that the main character (Dorothy) had dementia. Jane explained to me that subtle stage directions can imply things about a character and/or the story just as well as more detailed ones. By writing in more subtle and cut-down stage directions, it can also invoke more curiosity amongst the reader/audience. 

It was also suggested that I should set the main character (Dorothy) up with an objective so that there is a character arc in place. Jane and I discussed the possibility of Dorothy not achieving what she set out to achieve in the first place. I then put forward the idea that she could possibly be preparing for a police reunion that she is due to attend later in the evening. Through this, it will mean that Dorothy has something to work towards, despite her not achieving what she set out to. 

As a result of Jane's feedback, I shall think about and make these changes to the second draft of my screenplay in order for it to be of better quality.

Wednesday, December 16, 2020

10 Page Drama Script Mind Map and Initial Ideas

10 Page Drama Script Mind Map and Initial Ideas

When coming up with the idea for my 10-page drama screenplay, I wrote down the ideas that popped into my head. I struggled to come up with three ideas so I decided to watch various short films, use a story generator, and research drama screenplays. Through doing this, I was able to come up with more ideas whilst also developing/thinking about how I could develop the ideas that I already had. Out of the ideas that I had written down, I selected a few that I thought I could potentially develop. In order to understand how to write a pitch, I took part in a workshop with the screenwriter, Jane Marlow. In this workshop, we were tasked with coming up with two ideas for two screenplays, developing these ideas, and then forming them into two pitches. Through doing this, I was more confident in understanding how to pitch a screenplay/come up with a log line and how to develop my ideas further (e.g. defining each character, adding a twist, thinking about a character's response). I used what I had learnt from the workshop to come up with three pitches for the ideas that I thought that I could potentially develop further. I then pitched these ideas to my group who chose pitch number three as that was the one that most appealed to them. I felt as though I could develop pitch number one further than I could with any of the other pitches so asked for the input of the course leader, Mike. Mike advised that I could work on two screenplays at once if I wanted to and to do the idea that I felt I could develop further. Based upon this advice, I went with pitch number one. 

Pitch One: An elderly woman suffering from dementia and struggling with day-to-day life finds that her husband is late for dinner, discovering he's not where she thought he would be.

Pitch Two: A son and mother haven't spoken for years until he finds out that she has terminal cancer, forcing him to reconnect with his past.

Pitch Three: A middle aged man discovers a live skeleton in his closet. The skeleton will not leave his side until he reflects upon his past actions.

Mind Map of Initial Ideas

For research, I looked at films based around dementia, grief, loss and love. As well as short films, I also watched the film Iris (Iris, 2001). Iris is a biographical film based upon the life of the author, Iris Murdoch. It depicts her life living with alzheimers and, flicks back and forth between her past and present. Watching Iris enabled me to think and develop ideas for and about my screenplay further. For example, thinking about characterisation and behaviour of the main character.  

Mind Map of Ideas I Got from Watching the Film Iris

In order to get a better understanding of who my characters were as people, I wrote a small character profile on each, whether or not they appeared in the screenplay. 

Initial Character Profiles

In a later workshop with Jane Marlow, we checked in with her with regards to where we were at with our screenplay. Through this workshop, Jane helped me in shifting my main focus to be the main character  her struggle with dementia and trying to find her husband rather than focusing on her struggle getting up the stairs. She helped me to move away from the supernatural and keeping it realistic so that the audience can hold a greater sense of empathy. As a result, I ensured that the husband would not appear  as a ghost-like figure at the end of the film but rather keep him off screen. Jane's feedback also enabled me to bulk out my screenplay by thinking about other occurrences that could happen on her journey such as, where else in the house she could go and what could happen in those places and whether something or someone could trigger various memories.



Whilst writing the screenplay, I got somewhat stuck in thinking about how to add more in order to increase the volume of the screenplay. To combat this, my peer (Heather Wallbanks) and I reflected upon our screenplays and gave each other feedback. As a result of this feedback, I was able to add more to and develop my screenplay by doing things such as, inputting stage directions and transitions as well as referencing the main character's (Dorothy's) husband (Brian) more so that the audience are reminded she is looking for him.

Bibliography:
Iris (2001) Directed by Eyre, R. [DVD] London: BBC Films.

Sunday, December 13, 2020

Script to Screen: Penny Dreadful - TV Pilot Review

 Penny Dreadful - TV Pilot Review

Penny Dreadful is a TV dark drama written by American playwright and screenwriter, John Logan. The title, Penny Dreadful, is a reference to the highly popular and cheap Victorian booklets that contained gruesome stories and were issued weekly. 

In the first scene, we discover that the pilot episode of Penny Dreadful is set in Victorian London on Wednesday, July 8, 1891. As the reader/audience, you are immediately hooked through Logan's description of the surroundings and goings on. The graphic description Logan for example, the description of the butchers in Spitafields and the Spitafields Flat, also allows you, as an audience member, to vividly imagine the setting. The instantaneousness of the graphic description causes the audience's shock to be magnified. 

There is an immediate link between the first scene and the second scene. In the first scene (INT. SPITAFIELDS, LONDON), we discover that this scene is set in Spitafields Market and describes a butchers within the market. The reader/audience are then cleverly led/taken to the next scene (INT.SPITAFIELDS FLAT), which takes place in a flat through, through the use of flies flying from the butchers "across the street toward a particular building" buzzing "in and out of a half-open second story window" (Logan, 2012:1). Logan's use of "The butchered corpses" when setting the scene, mirrors "the caracasses hanging" in the butchers from the initial scene (Logan, 2012:1).

The protagonist is Ethan Chandler, whose past haunts him and starts to catch up with him even though he thought that he'd escaped it. We are made to feel slightly sorry for and empathise with Ethan despite his outwardly cocky manner. We discover that he holds a lot of hurt and pain and to make this worse, he has just lost one of the last things he had left, his job. We, alongside Vanessa, are made to understand that Ethan is an alcoholic and uses alcohol to numb his pain when Vanessa says "your left hand tremors, that's the drink" (Logan, 2012:9). Logan gives a greater depth of Ethan's character by subtly revealing more about his personality as the story goes on. For example, at the beginning of the pilot, we learn that Ethan is a bit of a hot-head, which results in him getting fired from his job then, towards the end of the episode, we discover that all he wants to escape his past/reality, which seems to land him in all sorts of tricky situations.

Logan subtly hints through his use of description, "they're pale, sickly-looking, thin... eyes almost completely filled with dark pupils" (Logan, 2012:13), that the quartet that Sir Malcom Murray, Vanessa Ives and Ethan visit, are vampires. This is later confirmed when Sir Malcom uses a stake to kill them. 

The pilot script is fast paced, to build suspense, therefore engaging the viewer. Through doing this, it increases the viewer's curiosity and leaves the viewer with a lot to reflect upon. For example, in the second scene (INT. SPITAFIELDS FLAT) in the midst of the conversation between Alex Galsworthy and the Constable, there is a sudden flash, which we learn to be the crime scene photographer's camera going off, this interruption builds suspense and reflects the chaos that the crime scene appears to be . The fast pace at which this pilot is written reflects the busyness of Victorian London, with it's overcrowding and it being the world's largest financial centre in the world (English Heritage). 

A physical and emotional reaction is felt from this pilot script, particularly in the Ressurectionist's Mortuary. Right from when Vanessa pulls back "the sheet covering the body, exposing it" (Logan, 2012:21) as an audience/reader, you want to turn away and/or physically squirm. We learn that the body that the doctor is investigating is an in-human mummy when "he pulls back the skin to reveal an oily black membrane beneath" (Logan, 2012:23), making the audience squirm further. 

As this is a pilot script, Logan doesn't give too much away about the characters and what's going on in the story. This leaves the reader/audience wanting more. For example, we want to know more about each characters' backstory and the storyline. What happened between Ethan and his father, why are there vampires, what kind of being is Vanessa and what are both Sir Malcom Murray and Victor Frankenstein (the doctor) up to, how the characters' storylines intertwine? 

The pilot script of Penny Dreadful uses a lot of description, which was useful in helping me to develop my screenplay. The screenplay I wrote, 'Things Aren't Always As They Seem' is mostly descriptive and takes the audience on a journey of discovery. My screenplay provides clues about the character, much like Logan has done with his characters. In order to develop the second draft of my screenplay, one of the suggestions that Jane Marlow put forward was to cut the stage directions that aren't necessary. This pilot script will help me with that as Logan has included some stage directions and description but he hasn't gone over the top in order to lengthen it out. 

The Penny Dreadful pilot script is a suspenseful script that left me wanting more. 

Bibliography:

English Heritage. 'Victorians: Commerce'. At https://www.english-heritage.org.uk/learn/story-of-england/victorian/commerce/ (Accessed 07/12/2020)

Logan, J. (2012) 'Penny Dreadful Pilot Script'. At: https://ucreative-my.sharepoint.com/personal/mrymer_ucreative_ac_uk/_layouts/15/onedrive.aspx?FolderCTID=0x012000A98322C95427654FA7209A4F8222728E&id=%2Fpersonal%2Fmrymer%5Fucreative%5Fac%5Fuk%2FDocuments%2FScript%20to%20Screen%2FTV%20Pilots%2FPenny%5FDreadful%5F1x01%5F%2D%5FPilot%2Epdf&parent=%2Fpersonal%2Fmrymer%5Fucreative%5Fac%5Fuk%2FDocuments%2FScript%20to%20Screen%2FTV%20Pilots (Accessed 13/12/2020)

Anderson, H. (2016) 'The Shocking Tale of the Penny Dreadful' (1) In: BBC Culture https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20160502-the-shocking-tale-of-the-penny-dreadful (Accessed 13/12/2020)

Flanders, J. (2014) 'Penny dreadfuls ' (1) At: https://www.bl.uk/romantics-and-victorians/articles/penny-dreadfuls# (Accessed 13/12/2020)